Family
by EusYram
Summary: Darcy, Loki, Thor, Jane, and Erik all sharing a London flat together. What can possibly go wrong? Tasertricks. Post-CA: TWS. Chapter 1: Loki arrives, Darcy gets ignored.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, all. Please excuse me while I leave this crapola here.**

* * *

After six months of S.H.I.E.L.D. visits, oath swearing, and contract signing, it appeared to one Darcy Lewis, research assistant extraordinaire, that things in the Foster-Odinson-Selvig-Lewis household had finally gotten back to normal. Or, at least as normal as things could get when there was a blond thunder god sitting on your living-room couch, drinking your beer, and watching Saturday-morning cartoons.

The aforementioned research assistant, wearing naught but booty shorts and a tank top, now appeared, bleary eyed and disheveled, in the kitchen-slash-office area. Hearing the sounds of what sounded like the _Monsters vs. Aliens_ theme song coming from the living room, she shuffled toward it and stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

All right, so the living room wasn't _technically_ the living room; it was, in fact, just a tiny room off the side of the open-concept main living area adjoining the kitchen, and had clearly been intended, by whoever had designed the homey London flat, to be used as an office or a small bedroom. But Jane, of course, had hogged the room designed to be the living room as her office/mad-science-laboratory space, taking up half the kitchen as well, whereas Darcy's brand-new HDTV and prize movie collection had to crowd in the definitely _not_-living room. In all honesty, Darcy found the amount of space and time Jane designated to her work and research, as opposed to good old-fashioned lazily sitting around and doing nothing, inhuman and appalling, even after what would soon be a year of living under the same roof as her boss/best friend/sister figure.

"Darcy!" boomed the space alien she had come to call her friend and roommate, upon noticing her in the doorway. "Good morning!" He appeared completely unbothered by her current appearance, having become accustomed to her sleep attire over the three months they had lived together. That, or he was hiding his disapproval because his own attire currently wasn't one he'd want to be caught dead in. The plaid pajama pants were innocent enough, but his T-shirt sparked a flame of amusement even in Darcy's sleep-addled brain. It had been a planet-warming present from Tony Stark, after he and S.H.I.E.L.D. and the rest of the Avengers had learned of Thor's intention to remain on Earth and protect the planet on a permanent basis. A deep royal red to match Thor's iconic cape, the shirt had no markings, other than one phrase, printed on the front in bold golden letters: "I have Mjölnir in my pants". Once the meaning had dawned on him, Thor had laughed heartily, Jane had blushed, and Darcy had taken a picture, for science (for Facebook). Ever since the thunder god had moved in with her, Jane, and Erik, and began doing all the utterly hilari-shareable things he did, Darcy had acquired almost as many friends and followers on Facebook as Captain freakin' America himself.

Darcy opened her mouth to say good morning, but all that came out was a long and loud yawn. Then she forgot what she was going to say. Flapping her hand in the general direction of the kitchen, "Coffee," she finally managed.

"You are in luck," Thor said, smiling. "Erik prepared a fresh pot before he resigned to his quarters." Then his smile turned sad and almost apologetic.

Darcy knew it pained him to see the damage his not-brother's temporary residence in Erik Selvig's brain had caused the astrophysicist, and she also knew he felt a considerable amount of guilt because of it. In everything Thor had shared with her and Jane about Loki, one theme remained constant: Thor was haunted by the thought that there was something, anything, he could've done, that would've prevented his brother from turning out the way he did.

No matter how hard Jane and Darcy had tried to dissuade him of this idea, Thor's fixation and anguish continued, so the two women had switched to merely reminding him every once in a while that what Loki had done was done, and that Erik was still Erik, no matter the occasional bouts of pantslessness and the utter lack of a sleep schedule.

Of the three remaining residents _with_ a sleep schedule, Thor and Darcy were normally the first ones up, while Jane preferred to sleep in until at least lunchtime. Darcy often wondered if that was part of the reason she had decided to become a research scientist—getting to choose your own work hours definitely sounded like an attractive bonus. Not that Darcy was forced to get up early; it's just that, until very recently, she had been a slave of the American post-secondary education system, where early-morning classes, exams, and 24-hour paper-writing fiestas were a thing of everyday life, and, well, her college sleep schedule had kind of stuck with her, even after graduation.

Having returned to the kitchen, Darcy now poured herself a hot cup of joe, taking a long sip before she had even bothered to add any milk or sugar. She made a face at the bitter taste, but decided that it was worth it as she felt the caffeine begin to ooze into her brain, chasing out the fuzzy dust bunnies that had settled there overnight. Feeling marginally more awake, she set out toward the refrigerator, hoping to score some milk for her coffee and for the Lucky Charms cereal she hoped Thor hadn't eaten the last of.

But she was barely around the corner of wall separating the stove from the fridge, when a column of bright, white, rainbow-y light, the kind unicorns often pranced through in children's imaginations and in acid trips, descended onto the balcony, which adjoined the kitchen. Darcy was entirely unfazed by this, noting only that the balcony had become a some kind of de facto landing pad for Asgardian travelers.

Once the rainbow-y light had cleared, three men remained on the balcony, clearly Asgardian.

"Hey, Thor," Darcy called across the room, "you better come here. There's some Asgardian dudes here to see you."

Thor's booming laughter carried out of the not-living room, and Darcy was _pretty_ sure he was laughing at something on the television and not at what she had just said. "What was that, Darcy?" he asked, once he had stopped laughing.

But Darcy's attention was back on the men out on the balcony, mostly because all three of them were now staring at her through the balcony door, and also because two of them were waving enthusiastically.

The waving warriors Darcy recognized immediately. They were friends of Thor's that she had met back in Puente Antiguo. Fandral and Volstagg, if she recalled correctly. The dude in the middle, however . . . . Darcy's eyebrows scrunched together as she took in his appearance. The black, green, and gold outfit definitely rang some bells, but those were silenced and pushed to the back of Darcy's mental cathedral as more worrisome details jumped out at her. First of all, the dude's hands were bound in front of him by a pair of some kind of fancy-shmancy handcuffs. Secondly, both Fandral and Volstagg had a hand clamped on each of his leather-clad arms, holding him in place like he was some kind of prisoner. _Oh, shit, he _is_ a prisoner, isn't he?_ But what Darcy found most unsettling was that the guy wore a mask of some sort on his face. Or was it a muzzle? It did only cover his mouth. _Great, Volstagg and Fandral brought over an Asgardian Hannibal Lecter._

Volstagg had let go of his prisoner and was yanking at the balcony door with both hands, unabashed by the fact that it was locked from the inside. Darcy took a step forward, hoping to unlock it for him, but at that moment, Volstagg yanked so hard, the door came completely out of its frame, clean with the hinges. Volstagg regarded the door in his hands for a moment, then shrugged and set it down out on the balcony, leaning it against the outer wall of the apartment. Darcy sighed and did a mental face palm. Thor had broken out that same door in his first week residing here. Speaking of Thor, where was the blond Thunder Wonder?

"Thor, Volstagg and Fandral are here, along with some dude straight from a BDSM sex shop," she tried calling again.

"Lady Darcy!" roared Volstagg, after having finally shuffled sideways through the narrow balcony doorway. Fandral and the prisoner (or the next big thing in fetish porn), being much slimmer than their companion, followed suit without a problem.

"Vols-" Darcy began, only to be scooped into a rib-crushing hug by the tall, burly redhead. _What is air—?_ And she was definitely _not_ in contact with the ground in any way whatsoever anymore.

"How have you been?" Volstagg boomed into the side of her head, and her ribcage literally shook with the sound.

Feeling her feet finally touch the floor again, and her lungs fill with much-needed oxygen, "Good," Darcy squeaked in reply.

Volstagg took a step back and patted her on the shoulder in a manner that wasn't _entirely_ bone breaking.

Next, Fandral took a step forward, and performed an elaborate bow.

"'Sup?" Darcy said.

"Lady Darcy," Fandral said to her boobs, "your beauty is a salve upon my heart, weary from the horrors it had witnessed back in my home on Asgard." He then lifted her hand to his lips, finally gazing deeply into her eyes.

Darcy was fairly good at reading men, and could tell nine out of ten times when she was being hit on. Fandral, however, had just cast subtlety so far out the window, it had flown straight over Obvious Avenue, and landed deep in Desperation Park. And that just wasn't how Darcy liked to do things. Nevertheless, Fandral _was_ probably the prettiest man she had ever laid eyes on (sorry, Thor), so although she didn't actually wanna do him (probably), she gladly enjoyed the eye candy.

Beside them, the prisoner made an unidentifiable sound beneath his mask, but to Darcy it sounded oddly like contempt.

"So, who's the cannibal?" Darcy asked, jerking a thumb in the direction of the mystery Asgardian.

By the confused look on Fandral and Volstagg's faces, Darcy could tell the reference had gone way over their heads, but before she could get into a detailed recounting of _The Silence of the Lambs_, she was distracted by the dull thud of thick glass hitting linoleum-covered floor behind her and slightly to her right. Turning around, her eyes landed on Thor, who stood beside the stove, hand outstretched, fingers curled slightly as if the beer bottle they had held were still there. His lips were parted and his blue eyes wide as he stared at the prisoner in front of him, and his face had gone so pale, Darcy wondered where the ghost was.

"Brother?" Thor whispered, his eyes still fixed on the prisoner.

Darcy's jaw dropped, and she spun around to look back at the Asgardian bondage enthusiast. _Loki?_ _Thor's very much _dead_ brother?_ Unless Thor had another brother, whom he'd never mentioned to either her or Jane . . . . Bells were ringing inside Darcy's mental cathedral again, and this time, she listened. Images flashed through her head, short, blurry newscast clips, and longer, but even blurrier, YouTube videos, captured on people's cell phones and cameras, during last year's attack on New York. And the subject of these videos? A tall, lean, dark-haired man, clad in armor of black, green, and gold. The same man, wearing that same armor, that stood before her right now.

"Holy fucking shit," Darcy said, more to herself than to anyone.

Loki, and Darcy was certain now this _was_ Loki, took in his pajama-clad not-brother with an air of utter disinterest, until his eyes lighted on the saying on Thor's shirt. One of Loki's eyebrows crept steadily up his forehead.

Thor appeared to have rediscovered his voice, as well as his ability to move. "You live, Brother!" he cried out, and rushed forward.

Darcy, Fandral, and Volstagg quickly made to move out of his way. The back of Darcy's knees hit the seat of a kitchen chair, and before she could catch herself, her legs folded and she flew hard down into the chair. _Eh, might as well sit_, she thought to herself, crossing her legs and settling down comfortably, like she'd totally meant to do that.

The scene unfolding in front of her was proving to be a true spectacle, and she had the front-row seat. Thor had pulled Loki, who was still muzzled and handcuffed, into a tight embrace, and every muscle in Loki's body had stiffened to the point that it looked like Thor was hugging a plastic mannequin, rather than an actual living being. And although Darcy couldn't see most of Loki's face thanks to the stupid mask, she could tell from the expression in his eyes alone that his thoughts had turned categorically toward the murderous. And then, literally out of nowhere, her brain took this image of Loki, and instead plastered over it an image of Gromit the dog, a character from a series of British claymation movies that Ian had been making her watch, who, like Loki at the moment, had no discernible mouth, and performed all communication through the expressions of his eyes and the movement of his body alone, to great comedic effect. _And I've only had one sip of coffee_, Darcy thought to herself, and then snorted in a totally ladylike fashion. As Fandral and Volstagg's eyes turned on her, she considered disguising her snort with a cough, but then remembered that she wasn't even wearing any pants, and decided against it, since it's not like her integrity was unscathed to begin with.

Thor had stopped hugging Loki, but still had both hands clamped down firmly on his shoulders. "Speak!" he commanded, then turned to Fandral and Volstagg. "Explain yourselves!"

From her seat beside the kitchen table, Darcy cleared her throat and lifted a finger. "Uh, Thor, not to be Captain Obvious here, but shouldn't you, like, take off your dead bro's creepy-ass dog muzzle before he's gonna be able to tell us why he's, uh, _not_ dead? Unless he's gonna eat us all or start firin' his laser, in which case, by all means, keep it on."

And that was when Loki turned and full-on _looked_ at her, and all Darcy could do was stare back, slack jawed. The expression in his eyes was unreadable, but something about it made Darcy feel uncharacteristically self-conscious, like the very core of her being was getting judged. It wasn't just that this was the first time he had actually acknowledged her existence since he arrived on her balcony. No, this was something more, something unnamable, something neither friendly nor hostile, but not entirely neutral, either.

Loki's head twitched to the side as Thor's fingers came in contact with his neck, and he withdrew his gaze from Darcy.

_What the fuck was that?_ Darcy thought to herself, suddenly feeling very small and naked in her chair. Nobody, _nobody_, had ever been able to intimidate her just by looking at her, and this both worried and impressed her greatly. She now studied Loki out of the corner of her eye, feeling a grudging respect begin to grow inside of her for the dude, whom she had previously thought of as nothing more than an alien nerd who had gotten beaten up one too many times by his jock brother.

Thor worked on removing his brother's intricate mask, and Darcy's heart thumped in anticipation. By this point, she was probably as excited as Thor to hear Loki's story (and she had to admit, a part of her was also excited to see if Loki was hot, because hello, Norse god).

That is why she was severely disappointed when, once the muzzle was off, Loki remained turned away from her and silent. He did, however, raise his cuffed wrists to Thor's face expectantly, and Darcy thought she even saw a tiny smirk play across the corner of his mouth.

Thor appeared to be in deep deliberation for a long moment, as he considered Loki's silent request. Finally, he turned to Volstagg and Fandral. "I require the keys to his shackles."

Fandral, who must've had the keys, shook his head. "I would advise against it, Thor. You do not know what he has done."

"Fandral, the keys," Thor said, in a voice that left no room for argument, and extended his hand.

Fandral looked at Thor like he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but complied nevertheless.

"You try anything, Brother . . . ." Thor said to Loki, as he began undoing his handcuffs.

_Okay, that psycho is full-on smirking now_, Darcy observed, and a wave of apprehension rolled over her. She shot a look at Fandral and Volstagg, but both men's attention was on the mischief god, and their hands grasped the hilts of their weapons. _Okaaay, when Asgardian gods get scared, puny mortal Darcy gets scared, too._ It wasn't that she didn't trust Thor—she would entrust him with her or Jane's life without a second thought—but was Thor forgetting that his beloved bro had tried to kill him, on several occasions, no less?

The shackles clunked to the kitchen floor, and Darcy actually squeezed her eyes shut in a momentary flash of fear. When she didn't feel herself catch on fire or explode into a thousand tiny pieces, she slowly opened one eye, and then the other. _Whew._ The room was still there, nothing was broken or on fire, and everyone was still alive. A smug-looking Loki rubbed his wrists where the handcuffs had been, and Darcy could see faint red marks there.

And _still_, the fucking bastard said nothing.

"I saw you die," Thor growled at him, emotion pure and unrestrained in his voice.

And then, with a sigh so dramatic you would think the mere _idea_ of having a conversation with Thor insulted his intelligence, Loki spoke. "It wouldn't be the first time, would it, _Brother_?"

"You deceived me."

"Yes. Not that it was particularly difficult."

Darcy's eyebrow crept up her forehead. _The sass is strong in this one._

"I don't understand!" Thor yelled, throwing his hands up in the air and beginning to pace the room. He came to a stop in front of Darcy's chair, and finally, _finally_, Loki faced in her direction again.

Darcy peeked around the side of Thor's massive shoulder in a manner which she hoped appeared entirely nonchalant, and stared as she got a clear view of Loki's face.

_Oh . . . my._

What she saw was a smooth, clean-shaven visage, pale as death, with sharp, angular bone structure and light-colored eyes the specific shade of which she couldn't make out at this distance—green, perhaps? All this curtained by shoulder-length raven-black hair. _Welp, looks like there's no such thing as an ugly Asgardian, after all_, Darcy thought, because, despite looking somewhat like a crossbreed between a wraith and a vampire, Loki was still—yep, you'd guessed it—smokin' hot. Perhaps not a conventional heartthrob like the God of Thunder and Panty-Dropping or Fandral the Sexually Frustrated over there, but seriously, Asgard made evil look _goood_.

Darcy settled back in her chair, oddly satisfied that Loki passed the you-must-be-this-good-looking-to-come-from-Asgard requirement. Thor, meanwhile, began waving his arms up and down again. "Brother, why—"

But he was interrupted as a tiny brunette walked into the room, from the direction of the bedrooms, only to stop dead in her tracks as she witnessed the present congregation.

"My love!" Thor exclaimed.

Jane Foster's jaw was just about hitting the floor, her eyes glued to the God of Mischief.

"Good morning, Boo-Boo," Darcy cooed from her chair, giving Jane a sheepish smile and a small wave. "Lookit what the cat dragged in." She jerked her head toward Loki.

The small scientist, who currently wore plaid pajama pants to match Thor's and a gray T-shirt with the "Soft Kitty" song printed on the front (borrowed from Darcy—the laundry situation in the apartment was really very bad at the moment), appeared to gather her wits—and her jaw—and said, simply, "Hi."

There was a slight commotion as both Fandral and Volstagg rushed forward to greet her, Volstagg treating her to one of his characteristic hugs, and Fandral giving her a bow and a kiss on the knuckles, though, Darcy observed, this kiss was far more chaste than the one he'd given her.

Having given her greetings to the Warriors, er, Two, Jane strode up to Loki and jabbed him gingerly in the arm.

"Oh, I am real," he assured her, a small smirk lighting on his lips.

"I see you faked your death . . . again," Jane observed.

Loki's smirk turned into a full-on malicious, toothy grin, and he turned to Thor, saying, "Your woman knows me well, Brother!"

Jane, meanwhile, had just taken notice of the handcuffs lying on the floor. "And I see you didn't come here willingly."

"Yeah . . . what's up with that?" Darcy spoke up. "I've always assumed Loki would be into bondage, I just didn't think he'd be the one getting tied up."

If the Aesir in the room understood the sexual reference, they didn't show it. Jane, however, shot Darcy a quick disapproving look, and Loki appeared to leer at something in his mind's eye for a moment.

"Fandral? Volstagg? Well?" Thor said, turning to his friends.

"Loki has been charged with treason of the highest order!" Volstagg thundered, at which Loki was visibly pleased.

"Do not flatter him so, Volstagg," Fandral said. "Admittedly, his actions could have been far worse."

"All right," Volstagg stammered, "not of the highest order, then. But treason nevertheless!"

Jane squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples, and Darcy felt a pang of sympathy for the tiny astrophysicist. She knew it was too early in the morning for the Boss Lady to be dealing with this shit.

"What . . . exactly . . . has . . . he done?" Jane asked, sounding uncannily like William Shatner.

"He usurped the throne of Asgard, and ruled in secrecy under the guise of the Allfather from the day of your misadventures upon Svartalfheim and until all but three days ago, Lady Jane," Fandral answered her gravely.

"And what of my father?" Thor interjected quickly.

"Odin lives, and is well," Volstagg reassured him. "Furious as a Jotun in summer, but well."

"Waaait, back up a bit there, dudes," Darcy said, her eyebrows knitting together. "When you say 'ruled under the guise of the Allfather', do you mean Loco over there actually made himself _look_ like Odin?"

Thor nodded. "One of many gifts passed down to him from Frigga, our mother."

"That's some crazy-ass shit," Darcy remarked. "But now I've gotta ask, if Lokes has been parading around as Odin for the past six months, where the hell was the real Odin?"

"Loki put a spell on him," Fandral said. "Put him into a . . . . How was it you put it, snake?"

Apparently, "snake" was a nickname Loki responded to readily, because he replied without so much as a pause. "Induced Odinsleep," he said. "Quite effective in neutralizing old men."

"You put our father under a sleeping curse?" Thor asked the mischief god. "When you could have taken his life, you spared it?"

Loki's lip curled into a mocking sneer. "Do not mistake a lack of resolve for mercy, _Brother_. I regret nothing more than not killing the old fool when I had the chance. But admittedly, I was not thinking clearly at the time."

Thor's bright-blue eyes softened, and Darcy wondered if he had picked up on some deeper meaning in Loki's words. If he had, it remained lost on her. But not one to keep her mouth shut for more than two minutes, Darcy already had another question bursting out her lips. "So, how'd they find out you weren't the real Odin?" she asked Loki, forcing herself to look straight into his face. "Did you try setting Asgard on fire or something?"

Loki did a flawless job of ignoring her, but thankfully, Fandral answered for him. "We would not have known he wasn't the Allfather, if an attempt had not been made on his life."

Jane, who had been cradling her face in her hands tiredly, now turned to Fandral with a pained expression etched into her face. "An attempt on _Odin's_ life? Or did whoever it was know that Odin wasn't Odin?"

"Loki was the target," Fandral said. "It seems his disguise did not fool everyone."

"Who attempted the murder?" Thor asked, eyeing his brother with genuine concern.

"'Twas a highly skilled killer," Volstagg said. "With strong magic of his own. Loki barely escaped with his life."

"Did not," the Asgardian prince in question huffed.

Volstagg snorted. "You had to call upon all your magical abilities to defeat him, sacrificing your Odin illusion and whatever spell you had keeping the real Allfather in eternal sleep."

Loki shrugged. "I'd sacrifice just about anything to save my life."

"You say that like it's a good thing . . . ." Darcy mumbled, only to get ignored, again.

"I assume my brother did not spare the killer's life?" Thor asked, earning a tiny smirk of approval from Loki. "Do you have any idea as to the assassin's identity? As to who hired him?"

Volstagg shut his eyes heavily and shook his shaggy head. "The killer was not a hired assassin. He came of his own volition. He was a bounty hunter."

Thor blinked. "A bounty hunter? Come to lay claim to my brother's life?"

Fandral, who had had the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers, sighed and said, "Thor, your father's spies in the darker realms have confirmed it: There is a great reward being promised to whoever can procure Loki's head." A pause. "Just the head."

The room fell into an awkward silence. From somewhere in the vicinity of the bedrooms came the sound of a door opening. Darcy heard Erik's voice mumble something about not drinking coffee before bed, and then the sound of another door opening and closing. Ten seconds later came the sound of a flush, then running water, and then Erik must've disappeared back into his bedroom, because the silence in the apartment reached an otherworldly level of awkward.

Feeling like she would explode if somebody didn't say something soon, Darcy cleared her throat. "Jesus, whom did he piss off _that_ much? Oh, wait, that's probably a dumb question, isn't it?"

"It is an excellent question, Lady Darcy," Fandral said, "but one you best take up with Loki."

"None of this explains why you brought him here," Jane pointed out.

"Odin's orders," Volstagg barked. "The bounty hunter killed ten guards to get to Loki, and it is obvious keeping Loki imprisoned on Asgard would only bring more contenders to his head. Asgard already holds and protects the Tesseract, and that is danger enough for our people."

"Uh, here's a thought," Darcy said. "Why doesn't Odin just _give_ Loki to whomever it is that wants him so bad? He'd solve a god problem and make some extra cash on the side, right?"

Volstagg and Fandral both leered at her approvingly, but then Fandral said, "The Allfather knows of Loki's involvement in the battle upon Svartalfheim, and that he directly helped save the nine realms from a fate of eternal darkness. It is only because of this that Loki has been spared his life."

"Okay, that's great, but then what, Odin goes and tells you to take him to Earth instead? Doesn't he know what happened last time ole Lokes decided to pay us a visit? He must really hate us mortals something awful."

"The Allfather did not specify that Loki be taken to Midgard," Fandral said. "He demanded only that he depart Asgard. Loki was the one to ask to be taken to Thor."

Jane and Darcy exchanged a look that clearly said, "Are you shitting me?"

"Is this true, Brother?" Thor asked, his big eyes filling with hope.

There was a long pause, but finally, "Yes," Loki said.

"Uh, _why_?" Jane asked, taking the words straight out of Darcy's mouth.

The God of Lies shrugged. "Midgard needed to be warned."

"Oh, _hell_, no," Darcy said, suddenly very furious. "You're here because you want Thor to protect your sorry ass, _not_ out of good will, and don't you pretend otherwise." She shook her finger at Loki like a mother scolding a child. Loki ignored her. Bristling, Darcy continued, now addressing Fandral and Volstagg. "So, what, Odin thought it'd be totally swell to just drop this psycho on Thor's head? Wow, it's _Thor_ he must really hate, not mortals."

Volstagg and Fandral suddenly looked rather guilty, and Darcy wondered if there was some truth to what she had just said. She swallowed. "Odin doesn't actually hate Thor, does he?"

Turning to Thor, Fandral said, "Thor, your father urges you to come home and accept the responsibility of the throne."

"Then you shall tell him, my friend, that while I am forever in his service, my place remains here, on Midgard, protecting its people."

Fandral inclined his head toward Thor in a solemn bow. "It shall be done, my friend."

Thor clapped a hand onto Fandral's shoulder, and then pulled the man into a one-armed hug. "It was good to see you again, Fandral."

"You, as well, Thor," Fandral replied, patting Thor on the back.

"Volstagg," Thor said, letting go of Fandral and turning to the veritable giant in the room. "Send my regards to your family. I hope they are faring well."

"Not as well as they would if you came back with us, right now," Volstagg said, crossing his great arms over his abdomen.

Thor shook his shaggy blond head. "You know I cannot."

"Yes, well, 'twas worth a try," Volstagg said. He then uncrossed his arms, and his lips broke into a huge grin. "Oh, you know I cannot hate you, although you are a deserting dog."

Thor gave him a smile that was both thankful and apologetic, and Volstagg, shoving unceremoniously past Loki, wrapped his arms around the thunder god so tightly, Darcy swore she could hear even Thor's ribs cracking.

As Volstagg and Fandral proceeded to deliver their farewells to Jane, Darcy felt an icy dread descend deep into the bowels of her stomach. A major supervillain, back on Earth . . . . Was their little planet ever going to catch a break?

"I'm glad you're here, Brother," Thor said to Loki, at that very moment.

_I'm not_, Darcy thought, slumping in her chair.

She couldn't slump for long, however, because then it was apparently her turn to be told goodbye.

Volstagg approached her first, and she immediately stuck out her hand, lest she be picked up and crushed again. "Nice seeing you again, big guy."

"It was a pleasure, my lady," Volstagg replied, and enthusiastically took her hand into his.

Darcy decided then and there that he must've never shaken hands with a human before, unless, of course, near shoulder dislocation was part of the custom on Asgard.

Next came Fandral, who eyed her cleavage so lasciviously, she was pretty sure that's what getting eye-raped felt like. In response, she tried giving off her best has-a-boyfriend vibes, but either she failed miserably, or Fandral simply ignored them.

"Lady Darcy, should Thor ever lay claim to the throne of Asgard, with Lady Jane by his side, it would make me the happiest man in the nine realms if you were to come with them, so that I may lay eyes on your beautiful face once more."

"Yeah, okay, buddy," Darcy said, forcing a smile. _I don't think it's my face you'd be laying your eyes on._

Fandral reached for her hand, but she stuck out a fist instead. "Bump it," she said, in response to the confused expression on his face.

Giving her a smile that could probably impregnate a lesser mortal, he bumped her knuckles lightly, presented her with a small bow, and then he and Volstagg headed for the balcony doorway.

Once outside, Fandral looked up at the sky, and said, "Heimdall, we are ready."

"Hey, Thor," Volstagg said, suddenly turning to face his royal friend with a grin. "Fantastic shirt."

Then came the rainbow light again, and the two warriors vanished in its midst, leaving nothing in their wake except an intricate pattern burnt into the concrete floor of the balcony.

Oh, and one very disgruntled-looking God of Mischief.

* * *

**So, that happened. Leave a review if you enjoyed and/or wish me to continue... whatever this is. As things stand, I foresee way more Loki/Darcy interaction in the next chapter. TBH, this chapter was kinda shitty in that regard. :S**

**Thanks to all for reading thus far!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! Yes, I'm back with chapter two of this crazy little story. But before I let you guys jump to it, I just wanna say how utterly overwhelmed I am by the reaction I got to the first chapter. I've never had such an instant positive response to any story ever, so to everyone who faved, followed, and reviewed, I wanna say THANK YOU! You guys ROCK!**

* * *

"We're not actually letting him stay here, are we?" was the first thing Darcy said, once Volstagg and Fandral had disappeared.

Thor turned away from the balcony, looking surprised. "Why not?"

"Uh, because he's a murderer?"

"All you see is the darkness within him. But I know there is also light."

"Um, Thor?" Jane said from beside Darcy. "Can we talk, in private? Just for a quick sec."

_Great_, Darcy thought, immediately picking up on the telltale signs that Thor and Jane were about to have one of their little "fights". And Jane and Thor's fights weren't like normal people's fights. Voices were never raised, and nothing was ever thrown or broken (which was surprising, considering Thor's being involved). All in all, their confrontations boiled down to one-on-one conversations in hushed tones, which would've be fine and all, if the discussions didn't have the tendency to go on for hours, or, as in the case of the feral-pigeons-not-being-a-substitute-for-store-bought-chicken debate of month two, several days.

As Jane and Thor isolated themselves to the doorway of the not-living room to talk, Darcy wondered if they were expecting her to keep an eye on Loki in the meantime, or if she could feel free to go and jump off the balcony now. It wasn't like Loki was doing anything suspicious, anyway. In fact, he hadn't moved or said anything since Darcy chewed him out for lying about the reason he had come here. Darcy decided to use his silence to her advantage, straining her hearing in an attempt to catch something of what Thor and Jane were saying. She thought she heard choice phrases like "Brother", "New York", and "Helped save your life" float their way over to where she was sitting.

She was so focused on listening in on Jane and Thor's conversation, she was physically startled when Loki finally showed a sign of movement. Turning her full attention to him, she watched as he straightened his back and looked around the room deliberately. He paused on the gaping frame of the balcony doorway, before shaking his head and walking over for a closer look. Darcy watched on as he studied both the empty frame and the severed door, and then returned to the kitchen.

_What the hell is he up to?_ she thought to herself curiously.

Loki stopped in the middle of the room, and, with all the grace and fluidity of a Tolkien elf, shrugged out of his gold-plated overcoat and hung it on the back of a chair. He remained now in his black breastplate and the knee-length leather jacket he wore over it, and Darcy couldn't help but notice that the two accentuated his long, lean form very, very nicely. Perhaps he caught her staring, because suddenly, he was walking over.

He came to a stop two feet away from her chair. "I see my brother hasn't learned much in the way of manners since arriving here," he said, his tone gentle and his expression unsettlingly friendly. "That, or introducing one's brother to one's friend isn't common courtesy on Midgard."

Darcy stared at him dumbly, not quite registering that he was actually talking to her.

When she didn't say anything for five seconds, Loki continued. "I am Loki, Prince of Asgard. But I assume you already know this, Lady . . . ?"

_For Christ's sake, say something._ "Darcy," she spluttered. "Er, Assistant of Jane."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, _Darcy_," Loki said, and held out his hand to her.

Darcy regarded his outstretched hand distrustfully, still wary after the Volstagg handshaking incident. Also, why was Loki suddenly being all Mr. Nice Guy? It was kind of beginning to creep her out. Nevertheless, not being one to show weakness in front of an adversary, even if said adversary was an eons-old god with superpowers, Darcy decided to throw caution to the wind and just shake the dude's stupid hand.

She had been half-expecting his hand to be icy cold, and was mildly surprised when it felt like any human hand. Cooler, perhaps, but smooth and dry and overall pleasant. Loki grasped her hand firmly, but gently, and shook it in a manner her hand and arm could totally handle. _Volstagg should take handshaking lessons from this guy, seriously._

Letting go of her hand, Loki cocked his head to the side in a manner that made him look _almost_ innocent, and said, "Darcy, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

"If it's killing Thor or taking over the world, the answer is no," Darcy said, then immediately wondered if Loki reacted well to other people's snark. Not that she thought he'd hurt her with Thor right around the corner, but she didn't want him to go back to ignoring her, either, not now that she was genuinely curious what his game was.

The corners of Loki's mouth appeared to twitch upward for a moment, and she thought she saw a flash of _something_ behind those green eyes of his (or were they gray?), but then his expression went back to the friendly-innocent veneer he'd worn before. "I assure you, my lady, my intentions are far less despicable. I wish merely to repair the door my mighty friend Volstagg had accidentally disassembled upon bringing me here, but I will require your assistance."

Darcy did her very best to keep her disbelief from showing itself on her face. "Sure," she said. _Okay, I'll play along._

Casting a look at Jane and Thor to make sure they were still in deep conversation, Darcy got up and followed Loki out onto the balcony.

Her exposed skin was immediately hit by a warm breeze and direct sunlight, and she was happy to see that early May was treating London to another beautiful day. Forgetting for a moment who she was with, Darcy closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and stretched, raising her arms straight to the sky, and then letting them fall slowly on either side of her. When she opened her eyes again, Loki was watching her.

He stood at an angle that allowed the sunlight to fall fully on his face, and, out of the shadows of the apartment, Darcy felt like she was seeing him for the first time. There was nothing malicious about his expression as he waited patiently for her to finish her stretch. In fact, he looked more relaxed out on the balcony with her than he had since arriving here. Gone were the hard lines from his face, making him look, by Earth standards, about five years younger. And she could finally clearly make out the color of his eyes. They weren't gray, or green, but a bright, clear silver-blue. Looking at him now, Darcy mentally took back everything she had previously thought about Loki not being as beautiful (yes, _beautiful_) as Thor or Fandral. Hell, without the has-been-rock-star hair or the ever-present maniacal glint in his eyes, he could probably be even more so.

Not that that changed how she felt about him, because she still only trusted him as far as she could throw him, and Darcy had a lousy throwing arm.

Nevertheless, Loki was doing pretty well at maintaining his good-guy charade so far, which made Darcy all the more eager to find out just what exactly he was up to. And she had a few tricks up her sleeve for annoying difficult-to-get information out of people.

Step one was to act clueless and play along.

"So, what do you need me to do?" she asked the mischief god, in the most innocent tone she could manage.

Loki picked up the balcony door and held it up in the doorway. "Do you think you could hold the door, like I am doing now?"

Darcy walked over to the door and tried its weight in her hands. Being very thin and mostly glass, the door was very light. "Yeah, I can do that," she said.

"Good," Loki said. "Just keep holding it up like that."

He allowed Darcy to take on the full weight of the door, meanwhile turning his attention to the half-dozen small screws littering the floor of the balcony. With a small wave of his right hand, and to Darcy's unconcealed amazement, he sent three of the screws soaring into the air toward him. With the screws now floating mere inches away from the outstretched fingers of his right hand, he flicked his left wrist and Darcy felt a slight tug on the door as he aligned the frame wing of the upper door hinge with its proper position against the doorframe. Continuing to use his left hand to keep the hinge wing aligned, he undulated the fingers on his right hand and sent the three screws propelling toward their respective holes in the wing.

Darcy watched, awestruck, as the screws, well, screwed themselves in, her eyes flickering every once in a while to appraise Loki's face, which displayed such intense concentration, she thought she could almost _feel_ the power coming off of him.

After a final tightening of the screws in both the frame wing and the door wing of the upper door hinge, Loki turned his attention to the lower hinge. Getting down on one knee for a better view—not up her shorts, Darcy hoped—Loki performed a rinse and repeat of what he had done with the upper hinge, which, Darcy had to admit, was no less amazing to watch the second time around.

Finished with the lower hinge, Loki got back to his feet. "You may let go of the door now," he instructed Darcy.

Darcy did as she was told, and then watched Loki test the door by opening and closing it several times. It appeared to be working perfectly.

He shut the door a final time, and turned to Darcy with a smug expression on his face. "Ta-da!" he said, flashing her a toothy smile.

Darcy shrugged. "That was pretty cool, I guess."

"'Pretty cool'?" Loki repeated, and Darcy was pleased to see her plan was working perfectly when his face fell visibly. "Do not tell me you've witnessed such magic before, mortal?"

"Magic? That? All I saw was a bit of telekinesis, and Thor does that all the time when he summons Mew-mew. So, you know, old news."

Loki looked at Darcy for a long moment, and she could almost see his altruism act beginning to crack. But it appeared his self-control was better than what Darcy had given him credit for, because the next moment, he was looking calm and amicable again.

_Damn it_, Darcy thought. _So close._

Loki inclined his head toward her with a polite, defeated smile. "Perhaps I will have better luck impressing you next time, Lady Darcy." He turned away from her and back toward the door into the apartment.

"Whoa, hold up there, Jazz Hands," Darcy said, catching him by the sleeve of his jacket.

Loki turned around. "What is it?"

"Since you're such a handyman and all, I was wondering if you could take a look at our bathtub." She gave him her sweetest, most innocent smile.

Loki took the bait. "What appears to be the problem?"

"Well, when Jane and I first moved in here, every time one of us would try to take a shower, the tub would make a sound like _ksssssshpppffffttttttttghhhhhhhhhhhh_. So, you know, super annoying. But then Thor came and tried banging on it with Mew-mew, and it started making this sound like _FFFFFDRRRRRRSHUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHMMMMMMM_ and just spraying water all over the floor, and on Thor, and on Jane, and on me, and everything got super soaked, and—"

"_I see,_" Loki hissed, and Darcy saw it, plain in his crystalline eyes: _annoyance_.

"So? Will you fix it?" she pressed on.

And finally, Loki cracked. "Perhaps if my brother and Lady Jane approve of my staying here, I will give it a look."

_Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!_

"Are you serious?" Darcy asked. _This is so pathetic, I can't even—_ "_That's_ why you've been acting so nice to me, so I'd go and put in a good word for you to your glorified babysitters?"

Loki's poker face could've won him the World Tour. "What do you think?"

"I think you're gonna betray us the first chance you get."

Loki's lip curled, and every last drop of good-naturedness disappeared from his face. "Then you better hope I never get the chance, Little Mortal." He pushed past her and went to stand at the balcony's parapet, and Darcy knew the conversation was over. With a huff, she went back inside the apartment.

By the sink, Jane was making a fresh pot of coffee, while Thor ruffled around in a cupboard beside her legs.

"So, what's the verdict?" Darcy asked, suddenly remembering her own cup of coffee, which she had left sitting beside the coffeemaker. She picked it up and took a long sip.

"Loki's staying," Jane said, with an apologetic smile.

Darcy spat her entire mouthful of coffee into the sink, and it wasn't because it was bitter and cold. "_What?_"

"He saved my life, Darcy. I owe him."

"And he is family," Thor said, coming up from the cupboard with a handful of plates.

Darcy downed the rest of her coffee in one go. "Welp, I guess I'll go tell Erik."

* * *

**Darcy has being annoying down to a science. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**As always, thanks to anyone who read, favourited, followed, or reviewed! :)**

* * *

"Loki?"

"Loki."

"_Loki?_"

"_Loki._"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"On our balcony?"

"At this very moment."

"But I thought he was dead."

"As did everyone else."

"Oh. Very well."

Darcy, sitting in Erik's office chair, which she had rolled over to the side of his bed, shook her head. "'Very well'?"

Erik Selvig shrugged. He sat on the edge of his bed, wearing a white T-shirt and boxers (_thank God_ he'd switched to those from tighty-whiteys). "I don't know what you want me to say, Darcy. You know I'm not his biggest fan, but I trust Jane and Thor enough to think that they've made the right decision."

"_I_ trust Jane and Thor enough to take them to a psychologist to get their heads checked. Seriously, I feel like the only sane person left in this apartment."

Erik chuckled and shook his head. "Darcy, Darcy, Darcy. Always the confrontationist."

Darcy huffed. "I'd rather be a confrontationist than _not care_."

"Who said I don't care? I care strongly, for you, and for Jane and Thor. But would you like to know something, Darcy? Something I've learned from both New York and Puente Antiguo?"

"Probably not the same thing I learned, but shoot."

"When the poop hits the fan, Darcy, you have no choice but to fly with the castoff, because if you try to go against the flow, you'll just end up hitting the blades. Does that make any sense?"

"You just compared Loki to a piece of shit, so yeah, I'm following."

"Just think about what I said, okay, Darcy?"

"Yeah, okay, Erik." Darcy patted the older man on the knee. "Sorry I woke you up, by the way. Just wanted to give you a heads-up about our guest before you ran into him and gave yourself a heart attack."

"Oh, it's okay, Darcy. I wasn't sleeping."

Darcy looked at Erik over the rims of her glasses pointedly. "Yeah, I wonder why. I had some of that coffee you made, and it wasn't decaf."

Erik chuckled again. "No, I needed the boost."

Darcy raised her eyebrows at him. "Before going to _bed_."

Erik nodded. "Ever been too tired to sleep, Darcy?"

Darcy's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Uh, no, can't say that I have."

Erik smiled at her weakly. "Then I guess it must be a side effect. And I think that coffee worked too well, unfortunately. I hope you and Jane won't get mad if I dig out my stash and take a sleeping pill, just this once?"

Darcy gave him a reassuring smile, and nodded. "Trust me, with the craziness out there right now, I don't blame you for wanting to sleep the day away."

"Thanks, Darcy."

With a final nod at Selvig, Darcy got out of the office chair, rolled it back to Erik's desk, and then headed for his bedroom door.

"Oh, Darcy?" Erik called, when Darcy was already halfway out the door.

"Yeah?" she said, turning around.

"What did you learn from Puente Antiguo and New York?"

Darcy smirked. "Don't trust the God of Mischief."

* * *

**Uhhh, I apologize for this truly pathetic excuse for an update. Hopefully next chapter will make up for it. ^^'**


	4. Chapter 4

**_FINALLY._** **Wow, guys, I am so sorry. I did not expect this chapter to take so long, but then real life came along and kicked me in the ass. -_- But anyways, here it is, chapter four. Enjoy!**

* * *

Darcy had informed Thor and Jane early into that morning that although she shared none of Thor's familial attachments or Jane's feelings of debt when it came to Loki, she would not depart from the apartment. Not that Thor and Jane had wished her departure; in fact, after Darcy had returned from talking to Erik, they had practically, and with complete sincerity, begged her not to leave, all the while assuring her that somehow, they would make this new living arrangement work. And finally, after having watched Jane wring her hands and cast her plaintive looks all through breakfast, Darcy had caved and admitted she agreed that Loki should not be "kicked to the curb", as she had put it, just yet. After all, she had said, if Loki remained with them, Thor could keep a constant eye on him, and do what was necessary if Loki ever tried to betray them. Thor did not particularly like thinking about what Darcy meant by "what was necessary", but he respected her opinion of his brother, nevertheless. He valued Darcy greatly as a friend, and he was just glad she was staying.

But then had come the question of actual housing arrangements. Jane's apartment had three bedrooms (four, counting what Darcy referred to as the not-living room), and up until now, Darcy had had a bedroom to herself, Erik had had one to himself, and Jane and Thor had shared the master. But the addition of Loki to their ragtag little family now promised to shatter this convenient arrangement.

Jane had immediately suggested sacrificing the not-living room and turning it into an actual bedroom, but Thor and Darcy put up such a protest, the idea was quickly put on the backburner. The not-living room had become Thor and Darcy's solitary escape from Jane and Erik's nearly apartment-wide science takeover, and they had valiantly defended it from invasion many times before.

So, the focus had been shifted to the three remaining bedrooms. A unanimous decision was made immediately that Erik should be least affected by Loki's moving in, and should therefore be allowed to keep his bedroom to himself. Which left two bedrooms and four people. And since three people could not hope to have enough room even in the large master bedroom, everyone knew someone would have to bunk with Loki. And it was not going to be Darcy or Jane.

And so, it had been decided right around luncheon time that Darcy would move into the master bedroom with Jane, and Thor and Loki would have Darcy's room. The master room had a queen-sized bed Darcy and Jane would share, while Loki would have Darcy's old twin sized, and Thor would make do with a double-sized air mattress Jane owned. Darcy and Thor knew they would get their own beds eventually, but not until Jane's next paycheck (or two).

And then had come the Bilgesnipe-sized task of moving Thor and Darcy's personal belongings and furniture. Although the so-called "heavy" lifting was nothing for Thor, it did prove to be taxing on Jane and Darcy, petite as they were. Darcy, of course, did not fail to voice her disgruntlement, making loud comments in the direction of the balcony that if Loki would just "stop being a selfish ass", as she put it, and come inside and help them, he could probably "move this crap with a wave of his hand", thus making her, Jane, and Thor's job that much easier. Thor knew this was true, but he did not wish to bother his brother just yet. Loki had just been denied the throne of Asgard, and personal experience told Thor that that did not put one into the best of moods.

By the time all the belongings had been moved, all the furniture had been rearranged, and both bedrooms had been tidied and reorganized, it was close to nine o'clock in the evening, and Thor, Jane, and Darcy were starving and exhausted. Or rather, Darcy and Jane were exhausted. Thor was just hungry.

"What are we making for dinner tonight, my love?" he asked Jane, as he, Jane, and Darcy sat at the kitchen table, with Darcy and Jane slumping over the tabletop.

Jane made a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl, and lifted her head from her arms just enough to gaze at Thor blearily. "Sweetheart, I don't think I have the energy to cook anything with you tonight. How about we just order pizza?"

"Even better!" Thor thundered. "But we must order from Papà Luigi. His is the best."

"Sure," Jane said, getting out of her chair. "Now, where'd I leave my cell . . . ?"

"_Yeaaah, Papà Luigi's,_" Darcy moaned from her seat, without even lifting her head. "Good call there, Thunder Wonder." She raised the palm of her hand in Thor's general direction, and Thor high-fived it gently.

The pizza arrived thirty minutes later, three extra-large pepperonis. Jane had figured Thor and Loki would eat a whole pizza each, she and Darcy would share the third, and any leftovers would be saved for Erik. After paying the pizza-delivery man at the door to their apartment, Jane carried the three boxes into the kitchen, where Thor and Darcy awaited her eagerly.

"Perhaps someone ought to go fetch Lone Ranger from the balcony?" Jane suggested, setting the pizza boxes down on the kitchen table.

Thor shook his head. "I do not think he will come, if we are to do that. Let me go to him instead."

"You know him better than anyone," Jane said, nodding her understanding. "Do what you think is right."

Jane was right, Thor thought, as he picked up two pizza boxes and got two bottles of ale from the fridge, he did know his brother better than anyone, at least anyone left alive, and if he knew Loki at all, Loki was going to treat his arrival the same way a stone wall treated the arrival of an oncoming train.

Loki did not even look at him as he stepped outside, carefully balancing the food and ale in his hands. To the contrary, his brother's attention was fixed, unwavering, on the clear night sky above. The sun had long since set, leaving the sky a deep midnight blue in its wake, and the myriads of stars that speckled it gave it an almost Asgardian quality. Thor thought he now understood at least part of the reason why Loki had chosen to remain out on the balcony for so long.

As for Loki himself, Thor could not help but notice how thin his brother looked wearing nothing but his breastplate and leather-armor jacket. Thinner than he had looked when he had led the attack on New York. Even thinner than when he had died in Thor's arms on Svartalfheim. Thor realized at that moment that knowing it had been a trick did not make the memory any less painful or scarring, but having Loki be with him, alive, even under these circumstances, was the first step on the road to healing.

"It is a beautiful night, is it not, Brother?" Thor asked, coming up to stand beside Loki at the parapet. He set one pizza box, the one meant for Loki, down on the parapet between them, and the other, the one meant for himself, on the parapet to his right. He set the two bottles of ale down beside his pizza box.

"It is nothing like home," Loki said, lowering his gaze from the stars and spanning it over the barren London rooftops instead.

Hearing Loki call Asgard his home and knowing Loki could never go home brought a burning into Thor's chest he could not supress. "I know," he said. "I am sorry, Brother."

There was a beat in which neither man said anything, and the only sounds were the wail of police sirens from the street below and Jane and Darcy's laughter carrying in from the kitchen.

"I have brought you something to eat," Thor said, when the beat had lasted too long.

"I am not hungry," Loki returned immediately.

"You have eaten nothing all day. You cannot not be hungry. Besides,"—Thor lifted the top of Loki's pizza box—"this is delicious."

It was not long before the intoxicating aroma coming off the pizza hit Thor's nostrils, which meant it had to be hitting Loki's nostrils, too. After a prolonged moment, Loki inclined his head a fraction of an inch toward the pizza box, and side-eyed its contents distrustfully. "None of that resembles food," he told Thor.

"That was precisely my reaction when Jane and Lady Darcy first introduced me to this delicacy. But there is really nothing unusual about it. Look." Thor opened his own pizza box, and lifted out a slice of pizza. He pointed to the lowermost layer of the pizza. "The crust is bread. It tastes somewhat different from Asgardian breads, but it is quite pleasant. Next, the pizza sauce. We have nothing like it on Asgard, and it is delectable. It is made from a Midgardian fruit called a tomato—a truly strange fruit; personally, I find it tastes far more like a vegetable. Then comes melted cheese—you know what that is. And finally, slices of sausage called pepperoni, which is made from cow and pig meat."

"This is the most haphazard jumble of ingredients I have ever seen."

"Many Midgardian foods are like that. Ingredients you would never think of putting together coming together in perfect harmony. Much like this pizza." Thor took a generous bite of his slice with a hum.

But it was only after Thor had devoured three whole slices, making various sounds of enjoyment all the while, that Loki finally picked up a slice from his own box. After examining it closely for several seconds, he took one ludicrously small, gingerly bite. He chewed thoughtfully and swallowed, and then took another, bigger, bite. And then another bite, bigger still. And in no time at all, the entire slice had vanished. Loki had not even noticed Thor was watching him with the biggest grin on his face.

"How do you find the fare, Brother?" Thor asked, feeling strangely overjoyed at seeing Loki eat.

"It is acceptable," Loki replied, already picking up a second slice.

"Aha!" Thor exclaimed in triumph. "I knew you would like it! But next, you must try Pop-Tarts and Lucky Charms. They are even better than pizza, Brother!"

"Do not call me that," Loki said.

Thor blinked, taken aback, but just slightly. "What? My brother?"

"Yes."

Thor smirked. "Should I call you my sister, then? Those are the only two options I am allotting you, so choose wisely."

Of course, Loki did not reply and continued eating in silence, but Thor had a feeling he would not protest Thor's calling him brother anytime soon anymore.

"I have brought us some beer," Thor said, after a pause. He used the edge of the brick parapet to pop off the cap of Loki's beer bottle, and then extended the bottle to the unwilling son of Odin.

After a moment of deliberation, Loki accepted the bottle and took a small sip. Then he made a face, clearly not impressed. "It is like water," he said accusingly.

Thor shrugged, popping the cap off his own bottle. "It may not compare to Asgardian brews, but it is still ale, so one cannot complain too much."

The balcony door opened behind them, and Thor turned to see who it was. Jane smiled at him from the doorway, and he beamed back, instantly overwhelmed by the sight of her.

"Darcy and I are going to bed now, and I just wanted to wish you two good night before we disappeared," Jane said.

Covering the distance from the parapet to the doorway in two long strides, Thor embraced Jane's tiny, warm form in his arms. "Sleep well, my love. May your dreams be like vast rivers that carry you gently into fantastic new lands."

"Aw, you, too, Sweetheart," Jane said, her breath warm against Thor's chest.

Thor placed a soft kiss on the top of Jane's head, and they parted reluctantly.

"Good night, Loki," Jane said to the withdrawn Asgardian's leather-clad back.

Loki did not turn around, but nodded his head once in recognition.

Lady Darcy's dog-tired face suddenly appeared behind Jane's in the doorway, and she rested her chin on Jane's shoulder, looking like she was about to fall asleep there and then. "Good night, Thunder Wonder," she said to Thor through a yawn. "Oh, and tell your bro he's a big bag of frostbitten dicks, will ya?"

"_Good night_, Darcy," Thor said pointedly, smiling at the girl he often did not understand, but whom he had come to care for like a sister over the past six months.

As Jane helped a stumbling Darcy back inside the apartment, Thor returned to Loki's side at the parapet. His brother was now about halfway through his box of pizza, same as Thor.

"Perhaps now would be a good time to talk about why you are here," Thor suggested, picking up another slice. "Do you know who put the price on your head?"

Loki's shoulders twitched in what might have been a hollow laugh. "Do you really believe me so incompetent as to not know who and when is trying to kill me?"

"Enlighten me, then. Who is this being?"

"Someone far more dangerous than I."

Thor should have known this would not be easy. Of all the enemies of Asgard, at least of those left alive, it was impossible to think of one more dangerous, more powerful than Loki. Unless . . . . "You lied to me, Brother," Thor said. "There was a king who ruled you, whom you answered to when you waged war on Midgard, was there not?"

"Ooh, how uncharacteristically clever of you, son of Odin," Loki drawled. "Yes, there was one such being. But he is no king. Not yet."

"And what did this creature want from you so badly that he gave you a scepter of power and an army in return?"

"And now, a disappointment. Surely if you think hard enough, you will arrive at the answer. Just be careful not to pull a brain muscle."

"The Tesseract," Thor said, the answer coming to him all at once.

Loki nodded. "Very good."

"And since you failed to acquire it, you must pay the price with your life."

Loki's silence was more than telling that Thor had hit the nail on the head. But there was a shadow of something unusual on Loki's face, something Thor did not see his brother experience very often: apprehension.

"Do not fear, Brother," Thor said, then, reaching out a hand, touched his fingers lightly to Loki's shoulder. "Without the Tesseract, he cannot get to you. And as long as Asgard's walls stand and there is a king on its throne, he will not get the Tesseract."

Loki lifted his downturned face, and, for the first time that night, looked Thor dead in the eyes. But there was no mischief or mirth in his expression, but an uncharacteristic severity that unsettled Thor to the core of his being. Loki gripped Thor's forearm. "Thanos seeks all the Infinity Stones," he said, "and when he finds them, which he will, there will not be a place in this universe where you, nor I, nor the Allfather himself will be able to hide."

"Thanos?" Thor repeated thoughtfully. "I have not heard of him. He is not from the nine realms, is he?"

But Loki was not listening. Letting go of Thor's arm, he turned his eyes up to the stars once again. "And to think I could have provided such a place, had you and your comically costumed friends not gotten in my way."

Confused, Thor dropped his hand from Loki's shoulder. "What do you mean?"

Loki turned to Thor with a sneer. "Oh, the irony is truly fantastic, Brother. Had I been successful in providing Thanos with the Tesseract, he would have considered me an ally, and were Midgard under my rule now, he would spare it. But now, I am certain he sees the planet as a direct threat. So how does it feel, Brother, knowing that thanks to the efforts of you and the Avengers, your precious Earth now faces a threat greater than anything it has ever faced before?"

Thor shook his head. "In all the time you have spent on Midgard, have you learned nothing of humanity? No human being would choose servitude, be it in safety, over freedom, be it in the line of fire. Such is human nature."

"Yes, and instead, humanity has chosen certain death."

"That remains to be seen. The Infinity Stones are well protected, and Thanos has yet to get his hands on one, has he not?"

Loki shut his eyes, and, for a long moment, said nothing. Then, without opening his eyes, he said, "You were right not to trust me, Brother."

Thor, who was in the process of carrying his last pizza slice to his mouth, lowered the pizza back over the box. "Why is that?"

"Thanos has the Aether."

Thor's pizza dropped out of his hand, as his whole body tensed with building fury. "How can he possibly have the Aether, Brother?"

Loki's eyes shot open then, dark blue in the starlight, and so cold and alien, Thor felt like he did not recognize his brother anymore. "I gave it to him," the fiend said simply.

In a motion like lightning, Thor had one hand clasped firmly around Loki's neck, and the other held out toward the balcony door, ready to summon Mjölnir at any moment. But Loki showed no intention of fighting, and merely held up his hands in surrender. "How could you?" Thor growled at him through gritted teeth.

"It was the only—It was the only way—" Loki choked, and Thor had to loosen his grip on his windpipe before he could continue. After taking several breaths, Loki tried again. "It was the only way I could think of to keep Asgard safe. I could not give him the Tesseract—it would have been suspicious for me as the Allfather to send it out of Asgard—so I gave him the Aether instead. He would have come for it anyway, and he would have left Asgard in ruin. I thought he would take my giving him the Aether as a sign that our alliance was still in effect, and that he would promise he would spare Asgard like he once promised to spare Earth. I was wrong. He took the Aether, he learned who I was, who _Odin_ was, and in return he put a price on my head."

Thor could not believe the words that had just come out of Loki's mouth. "You are a child, Brother, and a fool," he said. "Did you really believe Thanos would just resurrect your alliance?"

Loki cast his gaze downward, and from the guilt on his face, Thor could tell he truly had believed he had had no other options.

Thor let go of Loki's neck, forcefully shoving him a step back as he did so. "Does our father know?" he asked, quickly trying to think what consequences Loki's actions had possibly created for the universe.

"Of course," Loki growled, rubbing his neck. "Do you really think he would _not_ have gotten this information out of me before sending me on my merry way?"

Shoving his pizza box out of the way, Thor rested his elbows down on the parapet and cradled his head in his hands. "You should not have come here. You know full well what Thanos can do with the Aether alone."

"And here I thought you would appreciate the warning."

"I am afraid your warning will not do much good, Brother. You do not know what this world has been through in recent times."

"You speak of the downfall of the S.H.I.E.L.D. organization, do you not?"

Mildly surprised, Thor lifted his head from his hands and looked at Loki. "Yes. How do you know of that?"

"You forget I was the king of Asgard. Perhaps the Allfather asked a certain gatekeeper of his to keep an eye on his son and on Midgard in general."

"Then you should know that Midgard is defenseless. Those people and resources that made it possible to defeat you and the Chitauri a year ago, they are now gone. And now, Thanos. Humanity would not even see him coming."

"Perhaps that is something I will be able to help with. Your woman, she practices what Midgardians call science, does she not?"

"Her name is Jane, Loki. And yes, and she is very good at it. Though it is only thanks to Tony—you likely remember him better as the Man of Iron—that she and Erik still receive compensation for their work. Lady Darcy, too. Why do you ask?"

"Because I believe that with her help, and perhaps with Erik's, I could devise a way to track the arrival of the Aether or the Tesseract anywhere on this planet."

Thor stood up straight, his full attention on what Loki was saying now. "What you speak of is impossible. Not even S.H.I.E.L.D. could track the Tesseract's movements."

"S.H.I.E.L.D.'s knowledge of the Tesseract was laughingly limited. I had the Tesseract's power surge through my body. Its magical signature is part of me now, and I could identify it anywhere. It is possible your wo—Jane and I could construct a tracking device and tune it to this specific signature. The same goes for the Aether."

"Because it was part of Jane, and she now carries its magical signature," Thor inferred.

"Yes. She should."

"If you can do this, Brother, it will give this world a fighting chance. I shall discuss it with Jane tomorrow."

Loki nodded once. He then picked up the last slice of pizza from his box. "This Tony, the Man of Iron, Heimdall told me he has taken planetary security upon himself after S.H.I.E.L.D.'s collapse?"

"He and Lady Maria, Director Fury's second-in-command," Thor answered, picking up his own only remaining slice.

Loki nodded again. "And will you tell them I am here? Will you tell anyone?"

"When the time is right, yes. But for now, they do not need to know."

The two brothers finished their pizza and beer in silence, and Thor felt the tension that had built up in his body over the course of his conversation with Loki begin to dissipate. In fact, he was feeling quite groggy. Loki, however, showed no sign of drowsiness. And Thor realized why.

"It is day now on Asgard, is it not?" he asked.

"Yes," Loki answered.

Thor nodded, then yawned. "Forgive me, Brother, but I must retire to bed now, lest I fall asleep out here on the balcony with you. When you are ready to retire, ours is the room closest to the bathing room." He grinned at Loki suddenly, as a memory struck him. "We will be sharing quarters, Brother! Just as we did when we were children!"

"How very amusing," Loki deadpanned, in the manner of one not amused at all.

Thor clapped Loki on the shoulder anyway. "Good night, my friend. May your sleep be as deep and peaceful as Odinsleep." Picking up the empty pizza boxes and beer bottles, he proceeded back inside the apartment, but then paused in the doorway. "Loki?" he said, looking back.

"Mm?" the lone Jotun answered, turning around.

"You spared Father's life, and he spared yours. You said it was because you could not think clearly and lacked resolve, and he said it was compensation for your helping defeat the Dark Elves. But that cannot be all, can it?"

"I know not of what you speak," Loki said, looking bored.

Thor sighed, although he was not surprised by Loki's reluctance to go deeper into the matter. "How could you think clearly when Mother had died not two days ago? And how could you resolve to kill our father when you knew it would have broken her heart? And how could Father kill you when he swore to Mother he would not? How could either of you harm one another when you knew having the other's blood on your hands would have killed her?"

"You know very well how deeply I cared for Frigga," Loki snapped "What point are you trying to make by pouring salt on this old wound?"

That was a good question, because Thor was not quite sure of the answer himself. Mostly, it had been a train of thought he needed to get out. He shrugged. "I suppose my point is that you remind me of Father sometimes, and vice versa. You and he have many things in common, such as your love for Mother."

Looking disgusted, Loki turned away from his brother. "Go to bed, Thor, before this conversation turns sour."

Thor nodded. He had had a feeling Loki would not take being compared to their father well, no matter how true the comparisons were. "Good night," he said again, and when he left the balcony, he was surprised to find he felt closer to his brother now than he had in several years.

* * *

**Well, hopefully that makes up for last chapter, because there's nothing cuter than Thor and Loki balcony-boding over pizza, right?! Let me know what you guys think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five, yay! As always, thanks for all the faves, follows, and reviews. :)**

* * *

It had been several hours since Loki had been left alone out on the balcony, and the Asgardian god was seriously reconsidering his decision to come to Midgard. Not that it wasn't the best decision he could have possibly made, because all things considered, it was. If Thor's woman was as good at Midgardian magic as Thor had said she was, and if she could help him construct a device that could track the Aether and the Tesseract's movements on Midgard, then the oaf he had the misfortune to call his brother was right, Midgard did have a fighting chance against Thanos. But more importantly, so did Loki.

And he had prepared for cold shoulders, mistrust, and even all-out animosity when he had chosen to come here. What he had not prepared for, however, was the likes of Darcy Lewis. That loudmouthed mortal wench, who said exactly what she was thinking exactly when she was thinking it, had managed to see through his every move since his arrival here, and that disconcerted him, to say the least. She showed no respect for him, and more surprisingly, no fear. But thankfully, Loki could already think of ways to remedy that.

He was called out of his scheming by the sounds of activity within the apartment. A door opening and closing, followed by the sound of footsteps across the kitchen floor. Didn't sound like Thor's usual stomping, nor Thor's woman's quick, light step, and nothing had been knocked over, which suggested it wasn't the loudmouthed one, either. These particular footfalls were slow and shuffling, and even before the balcony door was opened, Loki knew who would be paying him a visit tonight.

"Good evening, Erik," Loki said, without turning around.

The footfalls came to an abrupt stop, and Loki smirked to himself, knowing he had achieved the effect he had desired on the scientist.

"Do not worry, I cannot still read your mind," Loki continued. He turned around and faced Erik. "Probably," he added, with a sly grin.

Erik, white faced and wide eyed, did not move or say anything.

Loki sighed. "What is it you want, old man? Either speak or quit wasting my time."

"Is it true—" Erik began, in a barely audible mumble.

Loki cut him off then and there. "Speak up. Or has your tongue gone along with your sanity?"

Erik's eyes narrowed, and he appeared to gain some composure. "It's rude to interrupt, boy," he said, his voice much steadier now. "Or have your parents not taught you any manners?"

"Ooh, the worm has teeth," Loki said, honestly impressed with Erik's bold comeback. "What is it you were saying, then?"

"Is it true you risked your life protecting Jane on that alien planet? That you almost died saving her? When she told me, I didn't believe her."

Erik's unprecedented interest in the particularities of Loki's actions on Svartalfheim took Loki by surprise. "Jane didn't lie," he said, wondering if the old man was up to something. "She was weak and defenseless, so I provided protection."

"But why? Why risk your life for her? No offense, but you and heroism don't really go together in my mind."

Loki chuckled darkly. "A wise observation, Doctor. But make no mistake, I harbor no special fondness for Jane, either. I consider her an ally, that is true, but beyond that, she means no more to me than any other mortal. But on Svartalfheim, she was more than an ally—she was a responsibility. Her fate depended purely on the execution of mine and Thor's plan—at times, her life was quite literally in our hands—and although this may surprise you, I fully accept all responsibilities that accompany a position of power."

Erik nodded slowly. "Thank you," he said.

It had been so long since Loki had had those two words spoken to him, he was momentarily taken aback. "What?" he snapped.

The unintentional edge in his tone visibly startled Erik. "Thank you?" the scientist repeated, now watching the mischief god with a shadow of wariness on his face. "For what you did for Jane? We all owe you, you know."

"You don't owe me anything."

"And yet here you are, living under our roof."

Loki smirked. "Yes? I thought you let me stay because you like me?"

"Yes, as much as I like insomnia and amnesia," Erik muttered under his breath. "There wouldn't happen to be a magical remedy for all these side effects, would there?"

"There is an herb."

"Oh? Where can I get it?"

"Vanaheim."

"Oh. That's great."

"Anything else I can do for you?" Loki asked with mock sincerity.

"Yeah. Don't try playing games with my family. They'd win. Good night."

Loki watched Erik's retreating back with a raised eyebrow. Frankly, this had not been how he had expected their reunion to go, at all. He had expected cowering and sniveling from the scientist, instead of the straight-up questions and unfiltered honesty he had just received. Much like he had gotten from the loudmouthed one. And even from Thor's woman. These humans, so defiant in their mortality, talking down to him like he was their equal, or worse, something inferior. It was irritating. But at the same time, to one who had acted the role of ruthless king for so long, some brutal honesty was also refreshing. And in the case of the loudmouthed one, sometimes even amusing.

Loki yawned. If his internal clock was functioning correctly, then the sun had long since set even on Asgard. Finally ready to go to bed, he turned on his heel and headed back toward the door to the apartment.

But he had barely taken a step over the threshold when the very floor beneath his feet began to shake and vibrate. _FFFFFDRRRRRBRRRSHHHHHTTTTT_, he heard coming from the bathing room. He stopped dead in his tracks, genuinely terrified for a moment, until he realized Erik was merely running the shower. Shockingly, the loudmouthed one had spoken the truth—by Valhalla, Loki had not heard a sound like that since he had decapitated the possessed wolf-dragon of Muspelheim.

No, sleep would have to wait. Loki had a beast to battle.

* * *

**Apologies for no Loki/Darcy interaction yet again. Next chapter is when it really kicks off. *wiggles eyebrows in tantalizing manner***

**EDIT: Switched "taking" to "talking" in the fourth-to-last paragraph. Damned typos. -_-**


	6. Chapter 6

**So, I don't know about you guys, but I think it's time we got back to our regularly scheduled Tasertricks. ;D**

* * *

Darcy awoke Sunday morning to the sound of even, rhythmic breathing at her side. Which was weird, considering she didn't share her bed with anyone. Oh, of course, she must've slept over at Ian's last night. Stretching, Darcy slowly opened her eyes and fumbled for her glasses on Ian's bedside table.

Regaining her ability to see, Darcy was surprised to find a poster of a galaxy taped to Ian's bedroom ceiling. Even more surprisingly, she was pretty sure this was the very galaxy that Jane had determined to be Thor's, the same one Jane had her own poster of, taped to her own bedroom ceiling—_Oh, fuck._ She wasn't at Ian's flat, she was in Jane's room. Because Thor was in her room. And all this because the three of them were now god-sitting Prince Loco, the universe's ultimate shit stirrer.

Darcy groaned, wondering of Loki had tried setting London on fire yet. She should warn Ian. Holy shit, _Ian_. Darcy sat up like a jack-in-the-box. She had had plans for a dinner date with Ian yesterday, but due to everything that had happened, the dinner had completely flown out of her brain. Forget dinner—she hadn't even _checked her phone_ since yesterday morning. Which was the first thing she set out to do now.

Somehow, her phone turned out to be under Jane's bed. Darcy did not remember putting it there, but then again, things in this apartment did tend to end up in the weirdest places completely of their own accord. The sound on the phone had been turned off, which explained why Darcy had missed all the phone calls that Ian had undoubtedly made when she didn't show up for their date. Dreading what she was about to find, Darcy pressed the home button on the phone. Yup, six missed calls, two voicemails, and eleven iMessages, all from Ian. Sliding open the iMessages notification, Darcy quickly composed a text: "Hey! Sooooooo sorry I missed dinner last night. :( :( :( But I've got a damn good excuse, trust me. How about lunch at ur place at noon, and I'll tell u all about it?" Confident this would tide over Ian's curiosity for the time being, Darcy slipped her cell phone into her shorts pocket and got out of bed. Lucky Charms beckoned.

Darcy's movement appeared to have roused Jane somewhat, and she stirred in her sleep, muttering, "Mmmh, Sweetheart, why do you always have to get up so early? Make me pancakes."

_That awkward moment when your relationship with your boss goes from sisterly to . . . something else_, Darcy thought to herself, then made a full-speed beeline for the bedroom door. Swinging it open, she ran face first into Thor's boulder-like chest.

"Oi! Darcy!" Thor said, surprise on his face.

Darcy, however, could only emit a small mewling sound and clutch at her nose, her eyes filling with tears all the while.

"Let me see," Thor said, moving Darcy's hands away from her face gently.

"Is it broken?" Darcy squeaked, sniffing.

"No, it does not appear to be," Thor said reassuringly. "Sorry about that." He patted Darcy on the head, as if that made it all better.

"That's okay, big guy," Darcy said, wiping at the corners of her eyes. "Was my fault, anyways. Should've looked where I was going."

"Yes, well," Thor said, and Darcy noticed something that sounded oddly like embarrassment in his voice. "I am wondering, are you up definitively, or are you planning to return to bed?"

"After _that_ wake-up call? I think I'm up for good, yeah."

Thor shifted awkwardly in his spot. "In that case, do you mind—would you mind terribly if I lied with Jane until she awoke?" And the God of Thunder was full-out blushing now.

Darcy grinned at him, which only seemed to add to his embarrassment. "Yeah, of course," she said. "But no hanky-panky—remember, I sleep in that bed, too, now, you know."

Thor must be getting better at understanding Darcy's colloquialisms, because the meaning of "hanky-panky" dawned on him almost immediately, and his face turned a shade of red so bright, it could give his cape a run for its money. "Do believe me, Lady Darcy, that that is not what I meant at all," he spluttered. "I merely wish to hold Lady Jane in my arms as she sleeps."

"Relax, Thunder Wonder," Darcy said, still grinning. "What Jane does with your hammer is none of my business, anyway."

Thor, looking positively mortified, muttered something incoherent and disappeared inside the bedroom.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Darcy let out the giant snort she had been holding back throughout the latter half of their conversation. _The day I crawl in bed with a guy just to cuddle will be the day my vagina falls out, seriously._ She also realized that she probably should've asked Thor if His Princelypants was still sleeping or if he was scheming in the semidarkness of his room or what, but then again, she guessed she'd find out soon enough, anyway. Besides, right now, she was mostly interested in breakfast.

Today, the kitchen looked something akin to a frat house on a Saturday morning. In addition to Jane and Thor's usual mess, there were now empty pizza boxes and beer bottles covering the tables, not to mention the large pile of Thor's clothes, both Midgardian and Asgardian, sitting in the middle of the floor, clearly having made it out of his old bedroom, but not quite into his new bedroom. Darcy couldn't care less about the mess, however. While she herself was an organized person and always cleaned up her own messes, when it came to cleaning up after others, she just couldn't be assed.

Weaving carefully through all the random crap littering the floor—because if anyone would find something to trip on, it would be her—Darcy made her way toward the kitchen cupboards, which housed the cereal reserves. Approaching Thor's clothes pile, she decided she would just kick through it, rather than make a lengthy and possibly treacherous detour around it. So, swinging hard, she brought her foot down into the midst of the pile. At which point her toes collided with a world of pain.

"_Holy mother of—!_" Darcy screeched, yanking her foot out of the clothes pile and nearly falling on her ass in the process. "_What in the—?_" Dumbfounded by what she could've possibly kicked that hurt so much, she began to rummage through the pile, and it wasn't long before the culprit was plain within her sight. "_Mew-mew,_" she seethed, her sapphire-blue eyes narrowing into snake slits as she glowered at the magical hammer. But she couldn't care less about her throbbing and possibly broken toes, nope. Sure, she was a strong believer in putting things in their proper places when not in use, but she wasn't gonna go telling a grown-ass god where to keep his hammer, right? Besides, it could've been worse. At least he hadn't left the hammer on top of the toilet with the lid closed this time, before leaving with Jane for the day (that had been one seriously bad day for Darcy and Erik).

Wincing in pain, Darcy gingerly stepped over Mjölnir and finally arrived at the kitchen cupboards. This was the cereal treasure trove. Here could be found Jane's Shreddies, Erik's Raisin Bran, and most importantly, Thor and Darcy's Lucky Charms. Picking up the Lucky Charms box and peering inside, Darcy was relieved to find there was still enough cereal left for one more portion. Her mood brightening instantly, she opened the dishes cupboard to get a bowl—_shit_. No bowls. Because all the bowls were—yup—in the giant mountain of dishes inside the sink. But Darcy couldn't care less—oh, fuck it, who was she kidding? When she didn't have a clean bowl from which to eat her cereal because Thor, Jane, and Erik hadn't done their dishes in like a week, things were not okay. Sure, Jane normally got around to doing her dishes. Eventually. And true, Erik would sometimes do all the dishes in the apartment in one go, but then again, he would also sometimes use four plates to eat one sandwich. And Thor was a prince who had lived in a court full of servants and handmaidens; before arriving here, he hadn't washed a single dish in his life. He was learning now, but so far, he had broken more dishes than he had actually cleaned. And as for Loki . . . . Well, Loki hadn't done much other than pace, brood, and glare since his arrival yesterday morning.

Long story short, Darcy knew she was the one stuck doing the dishes this morning.

But there was no way in hell she was gonna work through this mountain without at least some good music to keep her going. Her iPhone, containing her entire iTunes library, was already in her pocket, which meant she just needed to find some earphones and she'd be good to go. Remembering she had left a pair in the not-living room the other day, she set off to retrieve it, still limping slightly.

The earphones turned out to be _inside_ the living-room sofa. Darcy did not question this. Placing the buds in her ears and plugging the jack into her phone, she returned to the kitchen.

Coming to a stop in front of the kitchen sink, Darcy scrolled through her music in search of the ultimate get-pumped-for-dishwashing song. Her thumb hovered over Britney Spears' "Work Bitch". _Eh, that'll work._

But it wasn't until she'd enjoyed performances by the Beatles, Johnny Cash, Mumford & Sons, Arcade Fire, Tegan and Sara, and Florence and the Machine, all with her own vocal accompaniments, that the mountain of dishes in the sink was finally washed, dried, and put away. All that remained to be cleaned now was the sink itself. Smeared in and crusted over with week-old food remains, it was an intimidating sight to behold, but thankfully, doing the dishes had put Darcy into somewhat of a cleaning groove. So, with the finishing notes of "Kiss with a Fist" carrying her along, she doused the sink in dishwashing liquid, picked up a sponge, and got to scrubbing.

Having gone over the entire sink with the sponge once, Darcy now took a break from scrubbing to allow the more resilient filth to sit and soak a little. As she waited, her thoughts still drifting to Loki and, specifically, the moment he had first looked straight at her, an image flashed through her head, and all at once, she was remembering the dream she had had last night, a highly inappropriate dream involving Loki, Fandral, and Loki's bondage gear from yesterday. And before she could even hope to react to _that_ image, "S&M" started playing on her iPhone. Like the phone had fucking read her mind. Darcy's eyes widened in surprise, and the next thing she knew, she was laughing uncontrollably. It was a release, she realized, after yesterday's stress and exhaustion, and there was no way in hell she wasn't going to enjoy it to the fullest. So, dancing (flailing) along, she rasped, sounding nothing at all like Rihanna, "'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it! Sex in the air—I don't care, I love the smell of it! Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!" And then she wiggled her ass and did a sort of awkward half-pirouette that faced her away from the sink, and then she just about had a heart attack. "Jesus Christ!" she screeched, jumping literally about a foot backward.

Sitting across from her, at Jane and Erik's computer desk, was Loki. "Wrong deity," he remarked, without lifting his eyes from the notebook he was currently perusing, one of Jane's research journals, by the looks of it.

"_How long have you been sitting there?_" Darcy said, shock fading away to disbelief at her own obliviousness. _Who is this guy, a fucking cat?_

"Long enough to say definitively that you have a terrible singing voice," Loki replied, still not looking up at her.

"I'm assuming this means you're done with being Mr. Nice Guy?" Darcy asked. She wasn't insulted by what Loki had said. It would take far worse to make her resent her own person.

Loki didn't reply, and Darcy took this opportunity to study him. He looked different today. Gone were the leather-armor jacket and the black leather breastplate—he wore only his leather pants and a dark-green tunic. Bare feet. His eyes looked solid gray in the weak morning light. Oh, and he looked like he needed a double cheeseburger or two.

The silence was getting awkward, at least for Darcy. "You could've come help us move furniture yesterday, you know," she said, rubbing the still-aching muscles in her arms. "Done some jazz hands or whatever."

Loki licked his finger and flipped a page in Jane's journal deliberately.

Darcy sighed, deciding she didn't feel like getting ignored again today. "Okay, fine. Forget about yesterday. How about you help me scrub this sink, instead? You could do it with magic, couldn't you? Come on, _impress_ me, Loki of Asgard."

This time, Loki glanced at her briefly, but was soon engrossed in his reading again. "And why would I perform the duties of a servant?" he said, nevertheless.

Darcy blinked. Then, she blinked again, her eyebrows crawling upward to come to a stop high on her forehead. "_Excuse me?_ I'm a _servant_ to you?"

Loki lifted his face to her again, his expression that of innocent misunderstanding, and Darcy couldn't tell if it was genuine or if he was fucking with her. "Pardon me, but I was brought under the impression that you are Jane's handmaiden. Are you not?" he said, his voice all politeness now.

"What in the—?" Darcy began, confused out of her mind. "Why would you think—? _Ohhh._ Is it because I said I was Jane's _assistant_? Because I didn't mean like a personal assistant, I meant a _research_ assistant. I help Jane with her science and stuff. I even get paid now." Saying that last part out loud felt really good, Darcy had to admit. "Although it's kind of ironic, my job, considering my degree is in political science and _not_ astrophysics by any stretch of the imagination. But hey, a job is a job, can't really complain there."

Loki was nodding his head like he actually cared. "Political science? And what does one studied in political science normally expect to do for a living?"

"Oh, you know," Darcy said, with a nonchalant shrug. "End wars. _Start_ wars. Rule a small country. That sorta stuff."

"Clearly, a noble career choice, my lady," Loki said, though Darcy could tell by his slightly raised eyebrow that he wasn't buying her bullshit.

"Why, thank you!" she chirruped, smiling at the mischief god a little too enthusiastically.

One raised eyebrow was joined by another, and Loki inclined his head toward her once before going back to his reading.

Darcy turned around to continue scrubbing the sink, then gasped and whipped back around again. "Hey!" she barked at the alien prince, crossing her arms over her abdomen. "I don't believe you! You totally only asked me about political science so you could change the subject and wouldn't have to answer the question I asked you, didn't you?"

"And what question was that?" Loki asked, sounding completely bored now. He didn't look at her, either.

Darcy felt herself begin to fume on the inside. "Will you or will you not help me clean this sink?"

Loki looked up at her, his expression indifferent. Then, as unceremoniously as if it were the most mundane thing in the world, he waved his right hand sharply upward once, and then settled it down on the desktop. He looked at Darcy expectantly.

For a moment, Darcy didn't react. _That can't be all it took, can it?_ Then, she slowly turned her head toward the sink. And then she gaped. The sink was _clean_. Like, utterly, spotlessly, spick-and-span-ningly clean. She turned back to Loki, still gaping. "That's amazing!" she exclaimed.

"Are you impressed?" Loki asked, one corner of his mouth curving into a tiny smirk.

Darcy tried very hard to suppress a grin, and failed. "Yup, you did it this time. What was that, teleportation? Like, you can't just make something cease to exist, can you? It all has to go somewhere?"

"Yes, you are correct," Loki said, his smirk deepening. "It is magically impossible to destroy or create matter or energy."

Darcy's grin faded as Loki continued smirking at her. _He sure looks happy with himself for cleaning a sink_, she thought, suspicion beginning to form inside of her. "So, um," she began, already dreading what the answer would be, "where did all the crap from the sink go?"

Loki's lips split into an excited smile. "Ooh, I thought you'd never ask, Little Mortal." And then the fingers on his right hand, the one resting on the desktop, flicked downward, and Darcy felt it, _splosh_-ing onto the top of her head and slowly beginning to ooze down through her hair, everything that Loki had teleported out of the sink, water, soap suds, and soggy food particles included.

"You motherfucker," Darcy breathed, feeling the color seep from her face as she practically shook with fury.

Loki's eyes widened slightly at her choice of expletive, clearly not one in common use outside Earth, but other than that, he looked positively elated.

Shooting daggers at the trickster god, Darcy stomped past the computer desk, heading for the bathroom.

"Oh, fret not, mortal," she heard Loki call after her airily. "I can remove it from your hair just as easily."

"Fuck off," Darcy offered in reply, and slammed the bathroom door behind her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ian was staring at her like she had just said Satan himself was hanging out in the room with them. "Bloody hell, Darce, this isn't good," he finally managed.

"Ya think?" Darcy said, biting into the strawberry Pop-Tart that was part of her lunch at Ian's.

"I just can't believe Thor and Jane would let him stay with you guys. I mean, he just about destroyed New York City."

"Forget New York," Darcy mumbled through a mouthful of Pop-Tart. "Or did you miss the part where he put _crap in my hair_? Ain't nobody messes wit mah hur, brah."

Ian shook his head, still white in the face. "But I mean, is he _safe_? I know he helped save Dr. Foster and all, but I dunno, I still don't see how you can trust him."

"I _don't_," Darcy said. "But really, other than this morning's little prank, he actually hasn't done anything overly suspicious so far. Oh, and he fixed the shower."

"You mean it doesn't sound like a Nazgul making love to a jackhammer anymore?" Ian asked, disbelief plain on his face.

"Believe it or not. I don't know what he did, but it worked."

"Still . . . ." Ian continued. "I don't like him using his magic or powers or whatever on you, Darce."

"And you think I do?" Darcy asked, scoffing. "Now I have to think of some way to get back at him."

"_Get back_ at him?" Ian repeated, his already large eyes widening.

"Well, yeah," Darcy said. "Come on, Intern, I can't live with someone who thinks he can just mess with me whenever he wants without there being consequences. I mean sure, I'll probably get killed in the process, but whatever."

Ian's face turned even whiter than it had been before. "I don't get it, Darce, why not just move out?"

"And say goodbye to my spending money? Nooo, thank you! You know Jane doesn't charge me rent. Or groceries. Hell, she even lets me use her hair products and makeup!"

"Well, I can see _one_ possible solution to all this," Ian began, only to get interrupted by Darcy.

"Holy shit, Intern!" she exclaimed. "I just gave myself the perfect idea for how I can get back at the motherfucker!"

"Oh?" Ian asked, looking disappointed.

"Yeah! I'll totally let you know how it goes."

Ian now looked like a kicked puppy. "Sounds good . . . ."

Darcy smacked her lips. "You got any more Pop-Tarts?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

On her way home that night, Darcy Lewis, master schemer in her own right, stopped by the supermarket, where she purchased all but two items: a bottle of shampoo, and a large tube of superglue.

* * *

**Muahahahaha. *cough* Lokes better watch his ass.**


End file.
